


I Always Love You

by CultureQueen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Humor, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Multi, No one actually does it though, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-10-14 16:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17511647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CultureQueen/pseuds/CultureQueen
Summary: Mark Lee has been in love with Jung Jaehyun for most of his young life on this Earth. His only problem?Jaehyun was also absolutely, positively, 100% in love with Mark's stepbrother Johnny.Alternatively known as: the one-sided Jaemark fic no one asked for but I decided to write anyway.





	1. My First

If there was something in life that Mark Lee is absolutely, positively, 100% about, it’s that he is undeniably in love with Jung Jaehyun. He doesn’t know at what point his monumental crush on the older boy began; it just kind of happened that way. 

 

There were a million and one things to love about Jaehyun. The older boy was (in Mark’s own opinion) the most physically attractive human being in the world. Period. He had deep brown eyes and silky brown hair. That adorable dimpled smile that showed a perfect set of pearly white teeth. He had soft, beautiful, clear skin that he took care of religiously. His tall, lean figure strengthened by years and years of sports and hours of dancing. The richness of his voice and how each word sounded like it was dipped in honey and drizzled with gold. Of course, there were other things. Things beyond the physical.

 

Jaehyun was, without a doubt, an amazing conversationalist and an even better listener. He had the kindest heart and the warmest spirit of anyone Mark knew, even more than his mom (and she’s an A+++ lady). The chocolate haired boy was also a very talented singer. His voice was blessed with a nice smooth baritone that Mark could only dream of having. All in all, Jung Jaehyun was absolute perfection and Mark knew that he had to muster up the courage to ask the boy out. However, there was a slight problem for Mark. 

 

Jaehyun is the best friend of Mark’s stepbrother, Johnny. Jaehyun was also absolutely, positively, 100% in love with Johnny and Mark knew there was no chance in hell for him to be with the older boy. The only thing he could do was tag along and watch Jaehyun give Johnny that starry-eyed look and that beautiful white smile whenever he came around. 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The two brothers met Jaehyun when Johnny was ten and Mark was six. They had just moved to Korea after their parents got married. Mark was originally from Canada but after the divorce of his parents, he and his father moved to Chicago, Illinois. There, Mr. Lee met widowed Mrs. Seo and everything blossomed. After much decision between the newlyweds, they felt it was best to move the boys to Korea as a way to allow them to embrace where their families came from. 

 

The small family moved into a nice house was white with a nice red trim with rose bushes an apple tree, and a swimming pool in the back. Seeing that the boys were more interested in playing in their new yard than helping move, their mother brought out a box filled with footballs, hula hoops, jump ropes, frisbees, and other items to keep them occupied. Johnny was the more daring of the two and challenged Mark to climb the apple tree to see who could get to the top first. 

 

“Let’s race up to the top of the tree. First one to climb up to the top gets the last bar of chocolate in the candy drawer.” The older boy stood with his hands on his hips, looking up at the large tree before them. Mark, as small as he was, wasn’t on board with the idea. 

 

“I don’t want to climb the tree Johnny, it’s too high up. Can’t we race around the pool instead?” Mark’s big brown eyes were silently pleading for his older brother to change his mind. Johnny, however, wasn’t convinced. 

 

“Don’t be such a baby Mark, it isn’t that scary”, he said, rolling his eyes. 

 

“I’m not being a baby!”

 

“Prove it then. If you can climb this tree and get to the top by yourself, then I’ll let you have the last chocolate bar. Deal?” The older boy reached out his hand to shake Mark’s smaller one. Mark looked at his outstretched hand, still unsure, but ultimately shook it. He wanted to prove to his big brother that he was not a baby and could climb the tree by himself. He was six years old now. He can tie his shoe and ride a bike without his training wheels so why not climb the tree? Mark looked up at the giant apple tree and took a deep breath before placing his small hands and feet against it, reaching for a branch to pull his body up. As he went higher and higher, he started to feel more confident in his ability to reach the top. That was until he looked over the fence into the yard beside them. 

 

He saw a boy about the same age as Johnny, maybe a little younger. He had big squishy cheeks and a mop of fluffy hair. He was running around the yard playing catch with a dog. The boy caught sight of Mark and smiled, waving at him. Little Mark Lee was so distracted by the boy that he lost his footing and began to descend to the ground. Johnny quickly rushed over to his little brother and tried to help him by pulling on his left arm, immediately letting go when Mark screamed in pain. Loud cries came from his mouth as tears ran down his cheeks and snot left his little nose. Their mother and father rushed out of the house to see what the commotion was about. 

 

“Mark, what on Earth happened to you,” his mother cried out, pulling the small boy in her arms. 

 

“I-I tried to cl-climb the tr-tr-tree and I fell.” His loud cries were small sniffles now but the tears continued to fall. 

 

“What made you decide it was okay to climb the tree,” his father asked, confusion spread all over his face. 

 

The small boy reached out with his good arm to point at his older brother. “Johnny told me that if I didn’t climb the tree then I would be a baby and I’m not a baby.” After hearing this both of the parents turned their heads to look at the older boy who could only sheepishly shrug his shoulders. 

 

“John Seo, you are in soooooo much trouble mister.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mark came back from the hospital with a baby blue cast on his left arm and a bag of his favorite gummies. While he was allowed to get an extra thirty minutes of t.v. time, Johnny had to write “I will not make my little brother climb trees ever again” front and back on a piece of paper. 

 

“It’s not fair that I have to write while you get gummies and extra t.v.”, the boy said, glaring at the smaller of the two. Mark turned to look at Johnny’s angry face and stuck his tongue out at him before turning back around to watch  _ Spongebob Squarepants _ . Johnny was about to get up and steal Mark’s treats when the doorbell rang. 

        Their mother opened it and was greeted by a small family. The parents were both on the taller side. The father had short, greying black hair and kind eyes. The mother wore her hair in a stylish bob, one side of her hair tucked neatly behind her ear. She looked elegant, like an old movie star. In front of her was the boy that Mark saw earlier that day. When the boy noticed Mark he smiled big and bright, small dimples showing on his face. He had a small purple backpack and a teddy bear in his right hand. The boy’s mother began to speak to Mark’s mom at the door but he couldn’t understand anything she was saying. After the conversation ended, Mark’s mother invited the boy in and walked him to the two brothers sitting in the living room. 

 

“Johnny, Mark, this is Jaehyun. He’s our next door neighbor and he came over to play with you guys for a little bit.” The boy, Jaehyun shyly smiled at the two, stepping a bit behind Mark’s mother. 

 

“Hi Jaehyun, my name is Johnny and I’m ten years old.” The oldest stuck out, expecting to shake Jaehyun’s. The dimple-cheeked boy looked down at Johnny’s outstretched hand for a few seconds before shaking it in return. 

 

“Hello Johnny, it’s very nice to meet you. You’re older than me, I’m only eight years old.” Johnny noticed that boy spoke slowly, carefully, like he was trying to memorize what to say next. 

 

Mark attempted to get up from his place on the floor but it was a little hard doing so without the use of both of his arms. Jaehyun walked over to Mark and carefully helped lift him up. Mark reached out a hand to shake Jaehyun’s. 

 

“Hello Jaehyun, my name is Mark and I’m six years old.” He gave the boy his biggest, toothiest, grin. Jaehyun smiled at Mark before shaking his hand. 

 

“I noticed that you fell from the tree earlier. Are you okay”, he asked. Mark shook his head up and down and lifted his left arm up to show the older boy his cast. “It hurted a lot earlier but my mommy took me to the doctor and he put this on it so it’ll feel better. It’s kinda itchy though.” 

 

Jaehyun took his backpack off and pulled out some markers and a pack of stickers from his bag. Johnny moved in closer to see what the boy was doing. 

 

“I have some stickers and markers to decorate your cast with. We can make it look super cool if you want.” He smiled that dimpled smile at Mark, reaching his hands out to show Mark what he pulled out of his bag. The smaller boy grinned and thrust his arm in Jaehyun’s face, excitement written all over it. 

 

“Let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it”, he screamed, jumping up and down. Jaehyun sat on the ground with his legs crossed and motioned for the two brothers to sit down. 

 

“Okay, so I have superhero stickers and animal stickers. Which ones do you want?” Jaehyun placed the stickers on the ground. Mark carefully looked over them before pointing at some Iron Man stickers and lion stickers. 

 

“I want these”, he said proudly. Jaehyun began to carefully put the stickers on the cast. Johnny, not wanting to feel left out, picked up a few markers and started to draw on Mark’s cast. They carried on like this, talking about their favorite colors and animals and such. Johnny and Mark learned that Jaehyun lived in America for a few years and that this was his first year back in Korea. It explained why he knew a little bit of English. 

 

“Hey, was your mom speaking in Korean earlier”, Johnny asked as he drew a cartoon lion on Mark’s cast. 

 

“Yes, both of my parents and I speak it. A lot of people here do. Do you know Korean?” Jaehyun looked up at Johnny, waiting for his answer. 

 

“No, we don’t. Our parents do but we never learned it.” 

 

Jaehyun smiled at Johnny as he stuck a fire truck sticker on Mark’s cast. “Maybe I can help you learn”, he said. He looked at Johnny’s artwork and smiled. 

 

“I really like your drawings. They look nice.” He tilted his head to the side as he watched Johnny put the finishing touches on the lion. 

 

“Thanks! You have really cool stickers.” Johnny smiled back at the boy and they started laughing when their eyes met. 

 

Six-year-old Mark didn’t understand what he felt at the time. All he knew was that he was a little jealous at the way Johnny and Jaehyun smiled at each other. 

 

From that day forward, Mark went out of his way to try and impress the older boy. Mark did a lot of embarrassing (and sometimes dangerous) things to get Jaehyun to notice him. Jaehyun always laughed at Mark’s wild antics. Everytime Mark did something silly, be it purposefully or inadvertently, Jaehyun would laugh and flash a big smile just for him. 

 

“You’re so crazy Mark Lee”, he’d say, picking the boy up from the ground for the hundredth time since meeting him. 

 

All Mark could do was stare and nod his head, falling in love with those cocoa-colored eyes.  

  
  



	2. Even Though I Like You, Nobody Knows

_ MK: 14 JH: 16 JN: 18 (2012) _

 

“Hey Johnny, you should bring your kid brother to play ball more often. He’s not half bad on the court.” A group of boys all nodded in agreement while Johnny rolled his eyes at the statement, muttering under his breath about how Mark needed to find friends his own age. 

 

Mark was genuinely surprised by the sincere compliment from the unapologetically savage Nakamoto Yuta. The 14-year-old was used to having the older boy poke fun at him for anything and everything. It was an ego boost for Mark knowing that basketball skills were good enough for Johnny’s friends. 

 

“Thanks Yuta! I’m hoping to try out for the varsity team when I get to high school. Once mom actually buys my sports goggles then I’ll definit-”. Yuta put a hand on Mark’s chest and raised his eyebrows at the boy. 

 

“I said you weren’t half bad. Not that you needed to go try out for any team.” Yuta looked above Mark’s head and raised his hand over it. “Besides, you need to grow another like, ten centimeters before you even think about trying out.” He turned around and started walking, the group following with him. Johnny came up and slapped Mark on the back before his long legs brought him up to speed with the other boys. Mark frowned and started following the group, purposefully falling behind. He kicked at a rock with his old Jordan’s, wishing he was Johnny’s height instead of the disappointing 167 centimeters he was sporting. He finally caught up with the rest of the group and stood beside his brother as they waited for the crosswalk light to change. 

 

“So my mom gave me the green light to come over to your place tonight Chanyeol”, Johnny said, breaking the silence as the boy started walking across the street. Chanyeol was one of Johnny’s nicer friends; an incredibly talented and popular individual. Not only was he the captain of the basketball team, but he also played several instruments and volunteered at the after-school learning center to help kids read. Chanyeol turned around to walk backward, putting his hand up to high-five Johnny. 

 

“My man! Now all of the bros are going to kick it at Jongin’s party this Saturday.” The group each gave a round of high-fives to each other, whistling and whooping in excitement. Johnny’s celebration ended when Mark spoke up. He turned around in horror, realizing that his younger brother was still there. 

 

“You’re going to a party this Saturday? I thought that we already made plans to go to the fair with Jaehyun?” Mark crossed his arms and glared at the older boy. 

 

Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long exhale. “Mark, dude, I’m so sorry. I forgot all about the fair. Look, I can make it up to you and Jaehyun next Saturday.” Mark rolled his eyes at the older boy. 

 

“There won’t be a next Saturday you fuckass, the fair only comes around once a year and it ends on Sunday.” 

 

“Okay, then we can just go on Sunday”, Johnny said shrugging his shoulders, 

 

“You know dad isn’t going to let us go. We have church remember?” 

 

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to do about it Mark! Just take Jaehyun there, tell him the situation, and I’ll do something to make it up to him later jeeez.”  Johnny rubbed at his temples and Mark balled up his fists. The other boys looked at each other uncomfortably. 

 

“Uh, you obviously have stuff to take care of so we’re just gonna let you go Johnny. I’ll see you later on tonight man”, Chanyeol said, unease laced in his voice. 

 

Yuta pointed at Johnny and moved the finger back and forth from him to Mark. “Yeah, one of them being controlling that brother of yours. Since when did you get so mouthy Mark?” 

 

“Screw you Yuta”, Mark retorted before walking in the direction of the bus station. 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mark was sitting on his bed jamming out to J. Cole’s album when he heard the sound of tapping. He looked up from his chemistry homework to see Jaehyun waving at him from outside his window. Mark sprung up from his seated position to open the window, only to find himself falling face first on the bedroom floor. He could hear Jaehyun’s throaty laugh from the floor and mentally facepalmed himself. 

 

He eventually got up on wobbly legs and opened the window for the older boy. Jaehyun walked past Mark and took his shoes off to jump onto the bed. He fell face down, sending loose sheets of paper flying onto the ground. The brown-haired boy turned his head to the side and smiled at Mark who awkwardly stood on the other side of the bed. 

 

“Well don’t let me stop you from doing whatever you were doing.” Jaehyun grabbed the lion plushie sitting on Mark’s bed (a Christmas gift from his Aunt Carol) and held it against his chest as he situated himself to sit cross-legged. Mark coughed into his hand and proceeded to pick his notes up from the floor. He tried his best to not think about how cute the older boy looked holding the stuffed animal. 

 

“It’s just chemistry stuff, nothing too important. I can finish it later on.” He put the stack of paper inside of his book and shut it before sitting on the bed next to Jaehyun. 

 

“You should really finish your homework Mark. I can leave if you need me to”, Jaehyun said, starting to rise from the bed. Mark’s hands flew out to grab him and he yanked the boy back. 

 

“No, no, wait! I’ll finish it! Just give me 20 more minutes.” Mark quickly opened his book and picked up his pencil and furiously scribbled the answers to his homework while Jaehyun sat patiently. When he finally finished, Mark threw his schoolwork onto the nightstand and laid down on the bed, closing his eyes.

 

“All done”, Jaehyun asked, smirking at the younger boy. 

 

Mark looked over at the beautiful boy sitting on his bed, still holding on to that lion plushie. Mark felt his cheeks heat up when the two made eye contact and removed his glasses to make it a little harder to focus on Jaehyun’s chocolate eyes. 

 

“Yeah, all finished. I could’ve done it Sunday night you know.” 

 

“You could but it’s just better to get it out of the way.” The older boy pushed at Mark’s shoulder. “Besides, you need to take chemistry more serious Mark.” 

 

Mark rolled his eyes and turned over to his side. “It’s not that big of a deal. I’m not getting ready for college like you and Johnny are.” Mark honestly thought that Jaehyun wasn’t even at a point to think about higher education but didn’t have the balls to tell the other boy that. 

 

“It’s still important to apply yourself ahead of time. You’re smart, you’ve proven yourself to be a hard worker in the past, you’re capable. Don’t start slacking off now.” 

 

“Okay, I’m not as much of a slacker as Johnny.” 

 

Jaehyun shrugged and pursed his lips. “No, you aren’t but you will be if you don’t take your work more seriously.”

 

“I don’t even do it with my other subjects. I just really hate chemistry. It’s hard” He started tracing the design on his pillowcase. 

 

“Then I’ll help you with it duh. What’s the point of me being around if I’m not being utilized by my two favorite dumb asses”, Jaehyun replied.

 

“Well, we keep you around because you’re fun and smart and easy to talk to.” Mark looked up at the boy, a light blush tinting his cheeks. 

 

Jaehyun laughed at Mark’s statement. “Are you sure it isn’t because of my dashing good looks”, he said, suggestively raising his eyebrows. Mark blushed even more and tried to ignore the song playing in the background. 

 

“I-I mean, you uh, you are really, um, you are g-good looking, um…” Mark tried to stutter out an answer but was stopped by Jaehyun’s hand. 

 

“Jesus Mark, please don’t have a heart attack over there. At least wait until I get into med school.”  Mark groaned and put his pillow over his head to hide his firetruck-red cheeks. When he was sure that the color left his face, he removed the pillow to see Jaehyun biting his lower lip. The boy had a miserable look on his face and Mark wondered if he was the cause of it. Stupid, but he never wanted to have any doubts when it came to Jaehyun’s happiness. He didn’t want to be the reason the older boy was upset. 

 

“Hey, are you okay”, he asked, sitting up to put his hand on the older boy’s shoulder.

 

“They’re fighting again”, was all Jaehyun could say. Mark should’ve known. Jaehyun only snuck out to climb through Mark’s window if his parents were arguing, which was often nowadays. There were times that he stayed over and slept in Johnny’s room because of how bad some of the arguments were. The younger boy pulled his friend into a hug when he began to cry. Mark felt the tears seep from Jaehyun’s eyes and trail down his neck as the older boy sobbed. 

 

“Is there anything I can do?” He always felt like a broken record asking this. It happened too often it seemed. 

 

Jaehyun lifted his head from Mark’s neck. Tear tracks stained his cheeks and his eyes were rimmed with red. He shook his head no. 

 

“Can I just lay here? I know Johnny’s staying at Chanyeol’s for the night so I don’t want to use his bed.” Mark wanted to tell Jaehyun that Johnny was going to be gone all weekend and wondered if his older brother told his best friend that he was bailing on their plans. 

 

“I’ll leave if you don’t want me here.” Jaehyun continued to sniffle, holding the stuffed lion closer to his body. Mark snapped out of his thoughts long enough to realize he didn’t answer Jahyun’s question. 

 

“Oh! Yeah, you can definitely sleep here. Uh, sorry I was in my head again.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. Jaehyun smiled softly at him. 

 

“It’s fine.” Jaehyun stood up to pull the comforter back on Mark’s bed to get settled in. Mark figured it was time for bed anyway and climbed in with him, turning the music and his bedside lamp off. He laid sideways to look Jaehyun and followed the lines of the boy’s pale face illuminated by the moonlight entering the window. Jaehyun stared back at Mark, still holding on to the lion.  

 

“Thank you, Mark, for being such a great friend and I’m really sorry my mood changed so quickly. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

 

Mark felt his heart sink a little at the mention of the word “friend”. He wanted to be that and lot more. He forced his feelings aside and smiled at Jaehyun. 

 

“It’s nothing. If you’re feeling sad and you want to cry you can always come to me. I’d do anything for you.” Jaehyun grinned at the younger boy sleepily, yawning in the process. 

 

“I know you would. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” The older boy didn’t say much after that and Mark continued to look at his face until the tell-tale sounds of Jaehyun’s soft snores filled the room. He leaned over and placed a small kiss to his forehead before going to sleep.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mark and Jaehyun went to the fair the next day. The older boy was disappointed that Johnny didn’t join them but made it his mission to have fun anyway. Mark couldn’t help but notice how deep that level of disappointment was. It seemed like the kind he’s seen from his mother when his father did something that pissed her off. Being the passive woman that she was, she never burst out in full blown anger. Instead, she would shake her head and frown at him and those actions alone were enough to make his father feel guilty. 

 

Mark shook it off and focused on the boy walking beside him. Jaehyun was holding a giant stuffed hamster that he won at one of the booths. His bright smile upon winning the behemoth plushie was enough to grant Mark happiness for the next ten years. They strolled through the fairgrounds, people watching and laughing at the different stories they made up for the strangers at the fair when Jaehyun’s phone rang. 

 

“It’s Chanyeol”, he said, looking up at Mark. Mark shrugged his shoulders. 

 

“Tell him to save me a courtside seat at the next game.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes at the younger boy before answering the phone. After about a minute, he frowned. Mark raised a questioning eyebrow at him and stared at Jaehyun in curiosity. Jaehyun hung up the phone and started speed walking in the direction of the entrance, telling Mark that they had to leave. 

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened? Why are we leaving?” The boy was struggling to breathe the words out while practically skipping to keep up with Jaehyun’s long strides. 

 

“Johnny needs to be picked up from the party. Apparently, he got into a fight with some college guy. Chanyeol said it looks pretty bad.” Jaehyun had a straight face but Mark could tell he was seething on the inside. They got on the bus to the neighborhood Jongin lived in to retrieve Johnny. They found the older boy on the side of the road with an ice pack on his face and the smell of alcohol on this breath. Jaehyun sighed at the sight of his best friend. 

 

“Why am I always getting you out of these stupid ass situations”, he asked. He gestured for Mark to lift Johnny up by his left side and they helped the tallest walk down the street. 

 

“I don’t know man. Maybe because you love me”, Johnny replied, slurring his words. Mark raised an eyebrow and looked over to see Jaehyun’s reaction. Mark assumed that the dimple-cheeked boy would roll his eyes or scoff at Johnny’s answer but the only thing Mark could see was how red Jaehyun’s ears were. After making several stops for Johnny to throw up, the trio finally reached the end of their trek to Jaehyun’s house.

 

“My parents aren’t home for the weekend so you guys can just stay here. I figured it would be easier than trying to get him up the stairs of your house without waking up your parents."

 

It took ten minutes to get Johnny up the stairs and into Jaehyun’s bed. Mark walked over to the small couch situated in the corner of Jaehyun’s large room and curled up, watching as his person of interest took care of his brother. He started to feel himself drift in and out of sleep, only picking up bits and pieces of the conversation the two older boys were having. 

 

“...can’t keep babysitting you…”

 

“I’m sorry...happen again..”

 

“...haven’t been...lately…”

 

“...didn’t want...hurting you…”

 

“...hurting Mark too…”

 

“Please forgive me.” 

 

Before Mark finally fell asleep, he swore he heard the soft sound of Jaehyun’s voice saying “I love you”.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -the ages used are Korean ages
> 
> -Even though Mark is 14, I'm basing his schooling off of that system and from what I've researched that would put him as a 7th grader (so he's in his 1st year of middle school in SK). High school (from what I've learned) doesn't start until the 10th grade.
> 
> -Are Johnny and Jaehyun dating? Why is Mark out of the loop? Stay tuned. 
> 
> Questions and comments are greatly appreciated!


	3. My Feet Won't Listen, and Keeps Following You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sure, Jaehyun might’ve had a small, teeny, tiny crush on Johnny. That didn’t mean the older boy would like him back.

_ JH: 14  JN: 16 MK: 12  (2010) _

 

“Yoonoh, remember that you have basketball practice tomorrow at 5:00, cello on Thursday at 6:00, ballet at 10:00 and vocal lessons at noon on Saturday and your alterations appointment for Aunt Hyebin’s wedding next Monday at 4:00.” 

 

      Jaehyun’s mother rambled off the schedule for the upcoming week at rapid fire. His father walked in and out of the house, carrying several suitcases to the taxi outside of their home. Jaehyun shifted from one foot to the other and felt the bag on his back grow heavier. 

 

“Mom, I already know what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve gone through routines for years now”, he said. His hair flopped around as he swayed his body back and forth in agitation. 

 

“I just want to make sure you don’t forget anything sweetheart. You know how important it is for universities to see that you have a well-rounded curriculum.” She pulled the boy into a hug and smoothed her manicured fingers over his hair. Jaehyun kept his hands at his sides, grimacing at his mother’s strong hold on him. 

 

“Junghwa, it’s time to go, we’re running late”, Jaehyun’s father called from the front door. His mother released him from her hold and smiled down at him. “Remember to call me if you need anything and make sure you get your homework finished okay?”

 

“I will.” He watched as his parents got in the taxi and left, waving goodbye until the vehicle wasn’t in sight. He locked the door to his home and walked to the next house over.

 

Jaehyun was used to the spontaneous business trips his parents took. They liked to live “comfortably” as they would say, both of them coming from high-class families with even higher expectations. Jaehyun was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a head start at life. 

 

      Despite all of those things, he was surprisingly humble for a boy his age, even more than his parents. He was grateful for all of the opportunities and the financial security in his life, really he was. The thing he truly wanted the most was the comfort of his family but as the days went by, he felt the distance between them grow further and further apart. 

 

       Johnny and Mark helped fill that void. Their family became a second family for him and they always welcomed Jaehyun with open arms. He was an only child so being with the boys was a blessing to him. It made him feel less alone. 

 

        Jaehyun walked up the porch steps and found himself in front of the red door he’s been acquainted with for the past six years. He politely knocked three times for good luck and waited for someone to answer. 

 

         Mrs. Lee was quick to open it and smiled at him. 

 

         “Jaehyun! Hello! Did your parents already leave for Berlin?” The small woman was holding a basketball jersey in one hand and a sewing needle in the other. Jaehyun curiously raised his eyebrow. 

 

          “They did. Mom is very grateful for you allowing me to stay for the week.” She waved the hand with the jersey in it. 

 

          “Oh, it was nothing. We love having you over.” She turned her head and yelled into the house. “Johnny! Mark! Jaehyun is here!” 

 

           Jaehyun heard the loud pounding of running footsteps and an accompanying crash from inside the house. Jaehyun figured that Mark fell (again), partially because of Johnny’s laughter and partly because Mark was always tripping over his own two feet. 

 

          “Mark, sweetie, get off the floor. Johnny, stop laughing at your brother.” Mrs. Lee turned back to Jaehyun and waved for him to come in. She left to go into the kitchen, stepping around a basketball and a skateboard on her way. Jaehyun walked into the house and closed the door behind him, neatly took off his shoes to finally see what transpired inside the Seo-Lee residence. 

 

          Poor Mark was rubbing at his ankle, not bothering to fix the glasses that lay askew on his face. Johnny looked to see that Jaehyun entered the room, immediately walking over the younger boy to pull him into a hug. 

 

         “Welcome to our humble abode, my friend! We’re excited to have you stay and eat all of our cereal in our cabinets!” The dimple-cheeked boy shook his head at his statement. 

 

          “Johnny, I’ve already been here several times and I can’t eat cereal remember? Mom says it has too much sugar in it.” Johnny rolled his eyes at Jaehyun. 

 

           “Yes, I know that Jaehyun, it was a joke. Let me be funny.” He playfully pinched Jaehyun's cheek before gesturing to his large bag.

 

            “You wanna come with me to put your stuff away?” Jaehyun nodded in reply. The older boy turned around and looked at Mark. The smaller boy was still on the ground. 

 

            “We’ll be upstairs when you’re not in pain anymore.” He saluted Mark, who sat dumbfounded holding his ankle in his left hand. 

 

            “You’re not going to help me up?” 

 

            “Uh, no? You didn’t even hurt yourself that bad, calm down.” He started to walk up the stairs with Jaehyun following close behind. 

 

“You didn’t have to be so rude to him”, the younger boy said as they approached Johnny’s room. There were toiletries, a bath towel, and a washcloth placed neatly on the side of the bed Jaehyun would be sleeping on. 

 

“Mark is 12-years-old, I’m not going to baby him like everyone else does.”

 

“You don’t have to baby him but at least be respectful to him. He looks up to you.”  Jaehyun walked further into the room and started to unpack his bag, and putting his clothes into his designated “overnight dresser”. He pointedly ignored Johnny as he moved around the room and heard the older boy softly sighing behind him. 

 

“Fine, I’ll go apologize to him.” 

 

Jaehyun looked up and smiled before continuing to unpack. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“We should go to the fair this Saturday before it goes away”, Johnny said as the three boys sat in the living room watching a drama that Mark was interested in. They weren’t usually Jaehyun’s cup of tea but he found the plot for this series to be interesting. 

 

“I’d be down for that”, Mark said. The youngest stood up and stretched before retreating into the kitchen.

 

“You guys want anything?” 

 

“Pineapple juice”, they both replied. The only sounds that were heard in the house were the t.v. and Mark rummaging in the kitchen. Johnny was the one to break the silence. 

 

“What are you doing at 11:00 tonight”, he whispered. 

 

Jaehyun looked confusedly at Johnny. “Um, sleeping like everyone else, why?” 

 

Johnny kept his focus on the t.v. screen. “I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a walk tonight.” The tone in his voice was nonchalant and he made it sound like something he did all the time. 

 

“Who goes for a walk at that time of night Johnny, are you insane? Please tell me you’re joking.” 

 

“Nope”, the taller boy replied, aggressively popping the ‘p’ sound. 

 

Jaehyun looked back at the t.v. “It’s a school night you know.” 

 

“I know.” 

 

“What time will we be back?” 

 

Johnny shrugged his shoulders. “Sometime before midnight, I guess. It won’t be a long walk.” 

 

Jaehyun didn’t have time to answer before Mark walked back in, precariously carrying three glasses of juice. Two pineapple juices for Johnny and Jaehyun. One watermelon juice for himself. 

 

“Jesus Christ Mark, what took you so long”, Johnny asked, raising his eyebrow at the younger boy.

 

“I spilled some on the counter.” 

 

“Of course you did.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Later that night after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny got up and threw on a jacket. He tried to be as quiet as possible so he wouldn’t wake Jaehyun up. The younger boy never told him whether he was coming with him or not so Johnny took it upon himself to assume the answer was no. He was about to sneak out of the room when he heard rustling from the bed. He turned around and saw Jaehyun staring at him. The boy’s fluffy hair was sticking up in different directions and he tiredly rubbed at his eyes. 

 

“Sorry, Jae. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to; you can go back to sleep now.” He turned back around to leave when Jaehyun spoke up. 

 

“Hey, Johnny?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’ll go with you.” 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“So what made you want to walk around the streets of Seoul at 11:15 at night”, Jaehyun asked as the two boys were walking through a park. It was a little chilly that night and Jaehyun thanked the higher powers that he thought to bring his hoodie. 

 

“I don’t know. I guess it helps me think.” Johnny kept his gaze forward and his lips were pressed into a tight line. 

 

“Is everything okay?” 

 

Johnny looked down at the younger boy for a quick second. “Yeah, everything’s fine.” Jaehyun wasn’t convinced. 

 

“Johnny, you’re my best friend. If something is wrong you should tell me. I’m only 14 so any advice I give you might suck but at least it’s something.” The duo came to a stop at a nearby bench and Johnny sat down, gesturing for Jaehyun to do the same. 

 

“So I’ve been thinking I guess and I don’t know, about relationships and stuff.” 

 

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. “Is that why you’re upset? Do you have a crush on a girl that doesn’t like you back or something?” There was a slight hint of disappointment in his voice as spoke. Johnny shook his head.

 

“No, not exactly. I don’t have a crush but um…” 

 

“But um?...”

 

Johnny rambled out a sentence, going too fast for Jaehyun to comprehend. 

 

“Can you repeat that”, the younger boy asked. Johnny answered again but Jaehyun still failed to understand what he was saying. 

 

“Johnny, you need to speak up, I can’t understand you if-”

 

“I like guys okay!” The older boy took a deep breath and looked away from his friend. “I think boys are pretty and I want to kiss them and I know that you’ll probably think I’m gross or whatever but I like guys.” they sat in silence after Johnny’s small outburst.

 

“Well, aren’t you going to say anything? Tell me how disgusted you are by me and that you never want to see me again?” Jaehyun rapidly shook his head in response.

 

“What? No, Johnny no. I don’t think you’re disgusting. If you like someone then you should be able to like them without feeling bad. I don’t care if you like guys, you’re still my best friend.” Jaehyun felt a blush creeping up on his face before he continued to speak. “Besides, I um, I sometimes think that boys are pretty too. I mean, I haven’t kissed anyone but…”

 

“I haven’t kissed anyone either.” Jaehyun slid closer to the older boy, feeling himself sweating under his hoodie. He quickly looked down at Johnny’s lips before moving his eyes back to his face. 

 

“I mean if you want t-to…”

 

“Wait, are you saying that we should kiss?”

 

Jaehyun bit his lip and nervously played with his shoelace. “We don’t have to, it was just an idea. Forget I said anything.”

 

The sound of a car going by could be heard in the distance. Jaehyun internally cursed himself for even bringing up the idea of kissing his best friend. Sure he might’ve had a small, teeny, tiny crush on Johnny. That didn’t mean the older boy would like him back, let alone kiss him for that matter. 

 

“I don’t think I’d mind”, Johnny finally said. Jaehyun’s head snapped up and he stared at him with widened eyes. 

 

“I mean, we’re best friends so it wouldn’t be weird right”, the older boy asked nervously. 

 

“N-no. I don’t think it’d be weird at all.”

 

They leaned in and quickly pecked each other on the lips. Johnny’s nose accidentally bumped Jaehyun’s while the younger boy’s bottom lip didn’t make it all the way onto Johnny’s mouth. It was a mess and it was an admittedly horrible first kiss but Jaehyun would be lying if he didn’t feel his heart flutter in his chest. 

 

Johnny pulled away and turned his head in the opposite direction to hide his flushed cheeks. “Um, that was…”

 

“Awful? Terrible?”

 

“It wasn’t too bad Jae.” Johnny turned back around to stare at Jaehyun. The younger boy pulled his hood tighter over his head, no doubt hiding his flaming red ears. They’ll look back on this moment later on in life and wonder why the hell they thought it was a good first kiss but for now, they were content. 

 

“It wasn’t bad at all.” `

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -This chapter was sort of a look into Jaehyun's life. This is the stepping stone to later actions and motivations in the story. There will be one for Johnny in a few chapters but this is still a 97% Mark centric fic. With that being said, I want to portray the two as their own people outside of "Mark's friend/crush" and "Mark's older brother" in separate chapters. I hope that I as I progress through the story that the reasoning for this being done out of Mark's perspective is developed and understood. 
> 
> -As for Jaehyun knocking on the front door three times: I know someone who does this before entering a room for good luck and I thought it was an interesting and unique part of who that individual is and decided to make it a part of Jaehyun.


	4. Dreams Can't Take The Place Of Loving You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so he did. Just to see that pretty smile accentuate Jaehyun’s chubby cheeks. Just to see the dimples poking through and his eyes turn into beautiful crescents.

_MK: 8   JN: 12  JH: 10 (2006)_

 

Mark and Johnny sat at the bottom of the stairs with their jackets on and ready to go. Johnny tapped his long fingers against the stair banister while Mark excitedly bounced his knees up and down. The younger boy couldn’t help himself; he was beyond ready to go to the fair again this year. Ever since his family moved to Korea, it became a tradition for the boys to attend the annual event with their mother. Last year was the first time they brought Jaehyun along with them to be a part of it and Mark was ecstatic to hear that he would be joining them again, especially since Jaehyun’s parents were out of town and left him with his nanny.

 

“Mark, stop bouncing around, it’s annoying”, Johnny said. He lightly hit him on the knee before laying his head on against the stair railing. The older boy had a frown on his face and his arms crossed. Mark slapped him back in the arm.

 

“Don’t hit me, Johnny, I didn’t even do anything.” He glared at his older brother before sliding in the opposite direction. Johnny turned to look at Mark and reached out to thump him in the forehead.

 

“If you stop moving around like the Energizer Bunny then maybe I will.” The two began to bicker and shove each other.

 

“Hey, hey, hey, what’s all the fuss about”, Mr. Lee said as he came down the stairs. The two stopped to look at their father before moving away and pointing at one another.

 

“He started it! I started it? No, YOU started it”, they both exclaimed. The older man rubbed his hand across his face and sighed deeply, wishing he could have a drink right now.

 

“How about both of you end it or else Jaehyun will be the only one going”, their mother said as she finally descended the stairs. She didn’t look happy about having to listen to the boys fuss and argue. The boys knew the drill and immediately muttered apologies to each other; waving goodbye to their father as Mrs. Lee ushered them out the door.

 

The air outside was a lot colder for the time of year and the leaves on the trees decorated the neighborhood in an array of vibrant autumn colors. Mark led the trio to the Jung household, skipping along the sidewalk to the beautiful modern home. When he arrived at the door he hurriedly knocked on it.

 

“Mark, don’t knock so much. I’m sure they heard you the first time”, his mother said as she and Johnny made their way to the porch. The door softly opened and a woman who looked to be in her late 60’s opened the door.

 

“Hello Mrs. Kim, we’re here to pick up Jaehyun”, Mrs. Lee answered with a warm smile. The older woman held a finger up and cracked the door before calling for Jaehyun. A minute passed by before the boy came outside. He was dressed in a little black pea coat with a white scarf tied around his neck. His ears were flushed pink, already feeling the effects of the cold air. Jaehyun turned around and waved to the woman.

 

“Goodbye Mrs. Kim. I’ll see you when I get back!” He gave her a big smile, his small dimples on display before turning around to walk with his friends. Mark lasted about five minutes on their trek to the bus station before he abruptly roped the older boy into a hug, swaying their bodies back and forth.

 

“Jaehyun, Jaehyun! Are you excited to go to the fair?” The raven-haired boy pulled away and adjusted his large glasses as he stared at Jaehyun with a starry look in his eyes. Jaehyun smiled down at Mark and patted the mess of hair on his head as they continued walking.

 

“I’m super excited. We should ride the music express again this year.”

 

“Do you think they’ll play Dunk Shot”, Mark asked. Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders. When the boys went the year before, a new musically themed ride was introduced. The song playing was an old 90s bubblegum pop tune about making a dunk shot and something with a red car. Mark’s Korean wasn’t that good but he figured it was along those lines. Ever since then, it became ‘their song’ and the boys took the time to master the melody, dance moves and Mark even learned the rap (which he was surprisingly good at ).

 

“I don’t know but we can ask and see if they’ll play it”, Jaehyun replied. He continued chatting with Mark about the fair and Mrs. Lee offered a few comments of her own. The only one who was silent the entire time was Johnny. The older boy felt a little jealous that Jaehyun was spending all of his time with Mark and decided to sulk beside his mother as the two younger boys talked and giggled about anything and everything. Mrs. Lee noticed that her son was surprisingly quiet and pulled him closer to her side.

 

“What’s the sad face for John? Are you still mad about the argument you and Mark had earlier?” She felt the boy shake his head and she nodded before asking him another question.

 

“Okay...Are you feeling sick?” He shook his head again and looked at the ground to count the number of cracks in the sidewalk. His mother sighed.

 

“I can’t fix the problem if you don’t speak up Johnny. You’re a big boy now. Use your words. Communicate with me.” Johnny kicked at a rock on the ground before he answered his mother.

 

“Jaehyun’s been talking to Mark the entire time and not me. He’s my best friend anyway.” The woman patted his shoulder.

 

“Jaehyun is still going to be your best friend no matter what. However, that doesn’t mean he can’t be friends with Mark too. The three of you are a team.” She smiled down at him. “Besides, I don’t know anyone else who are stuck together like you and Jaehyun. At this point, I don’t think you’ll ever separate from each other.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“How come you’re so good at the fair games Jaehyun”, Mark asked as they left one of the mini-game booths. The older boy was currently carrying a big peach plushie that had a smiling face and blushing cheeks stitched into it. Jaehyun was beaming with pride for winning the stuffed fruit and squeezed it close to his chest.

 

“Playing baseball helps a lot. Maybe if you started playing with me you can be good at throwing too.” He looked over the peach to stare down at the younger boy. Mark frowned at his answer.

 

“I won’t be able to play with your age group”, he said sadly. “Coach Choi said that I’m still too small for my age. Besides, I like basketball better.” Jaehyun smiled at him.

 

“I told my mom that I want to play basketball next year. Hopefully, she’ll let me.”

 

“I’m sure you’re excited but don’t you think you’re doing too much at one time Jaehyun”, Mrs. Lee asked. He turned around and gave her a small smile.

 

“I don’t think it’s too much. Mom said that it’s important to have a wide variety of interests and to be a well-rounded individual. That way, I can stay out of trouble and get into college one day.” He turned back around, leaving the older woman to stare at him with a dumbfounded look on her face. She looked down at Johnny who only shrugged his shoulders and continued walking with the younger boys.

 

“Do you think they even brought the ride back”, Jaehyun asked, looking around. “I don’t see it.” The group stopped and looked through the sea of people when Mark let out a large gasp.

 

“I see it! I see it!” The small boy broke into a sprint towards the music express, Jaehyun following close behind. Johnny soon caught up with them and they stood side by side in awe. The ride was just as loud and illuminating as it was last year. They pushed and shoved each other towards the line. In their excitement, Jaehyun reached out and grabbed Mark’s left hand, startling him.

 

“We have to make sure they know that we’re all riding together”, he explained before putting his stuffed peach in between his teeth and taking hold of Johnny’s right hand. Mark could feel his hand start to sweat and his cheeks flush with color.

 

He learned from the other kids in school that holding hands with girls meant getting cooties and since cooties were gross no one ever held hands. He theoretically should’ve been disgusted by the act based on his primary school knowledge but 1.) Jaehyun is a boy and 2.) the feel of Jaehyun’s slightly bigger hand in his was...comforting? Weirdly so. Mark didn’t know what to do with this newfound information and thought it would be better to ask his mother about it when she tucked him in tonight.

 

“Next in line please”, a man said, boredom laced in his voice. The boys walked up and were about to get in the music express when the man stopped them.

 

“Hold on kid, you can’t bring that with you.” He pointed to the peach sitting between Jaehyun’s teeth. The boy’s deep-set eyes widened and he let go of Mark and Johnny’s hands to hold the plushie close to him. The man rolled his eyes.

 

“Look brat, you either put it up somewhere or you and your friends can get lost”, he said, jabbing his thumb in the general direction behind him. Mrs. Lee stormed up to the man with fire in her eyes and an icy tone in her voice.

 

“Listen here, these boys waited in line just like everyone else to ride and you will not disrespect them. If you have a problem with the damned stuffed fruit, you talk to me. Got it?” She jabbed her small index finger into his chest repeatedly to punctuate her statement. He smirked at her.

 

“And just what are you going to do about it, lady?” The man looked her up and down, licking his lips in the process. Her eyes narrowed and she squatted down to Jaehyun’s level.

 

“Jaehyun, sweetheart, I’ll hold onto this for you while you get on the ride okay?” She smiled sweetly at him, smoothing his hair over with her hand. The boy handed his toy over to her and proceeded to get on the ride with his friends. Knowing how protective their mother was, Mark and Johnny were concerned for the man’s well being as they watched the older woman yelling at him. They sat down to buckle themselves in and patiently waited for one of the staff as she walked over to assist them.

 

“What song would you guys like to hear”, she asked in a cheery voice.

 

“Dunk Shot by The Dreamies”, Mark said. She tilted her head to the side.

“You know, you look a lot like their rapper Minhyung.” 

 

“My mom said the same thing. I don’t see it though, he had ramen noodle hair.”

 

She nodded at Mark’s statement to appease him. The girl still thought he looked like a miniature version of the 90s rapper but wasn’t going to upset the kid by saying so. She gave him a thumbs up and walked back to her station. After pushing a few buttons, the ride roared to life and the boys could feel the air whipping around them as it gained speed. The trio began to loudly sing to the familiar sounds of boys harmonizing as the song rang through the speakers.

 

Mark looked over at Jaehyun and saw the pure joy on the boy’s face, wondering if it was possible for a boy to be so pretty. Not pretty like his classmate Kang Mina but, pretty in a different way. A purely unique and Jaehyun way. The older boy noticed he was staring and smiled brightly at him. Mark blushed and looked away, just in time for his favorite part of the song to start playing.

 

“Do the rap Mark”, Jaehyun yelled. And so he did. Just to see that pretty smile accentuate Jaehyun’s chubby cheeks. Just to see the dimples poking through and his eyes turn into beautiful crescents. No, eight-year-old Mark Lee didn’t know what it meant to be in love, but he knew that whatever he was feeling was a good feeling.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_MK: 13   JH: 15  JN: 17 (2011)_

 

“Hey, remember that time your mom beat up that one guy at the fair and got us kicked out for the rest of the day”, Jaehyun asked. He sat by the pool, kicking the water up with his feet. Johnny was leaning against him and Mark was doing laps. Johnny opened his eyes and turned to look at the younger boy who was focused on Mark’s dog paddling.

 

“Yeah, I remember that. Why?” Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders and turned to look at Johnny.

 

“Nothing. I just randomly thought about it. She’s just so nice; I honestly didn’t think someone her size could do that much damage.”

 

       “Well, she does have height on her side so I guess that helped some.” They watched Mark swim one more lap before the younger boy finally emerged from the water, wet black hair falling over his swim goggles. Mark shook his head, making his hair stick in different directions. Jaehyun began to laugh at how ridiculous he looked.

 

“Ha, ha, ha, very funny. Laugh it up Jung, I’ll pull you in here with me”, he said playfully. Jaehyun kicked water in Mark’s direction.

 

“I’d like to see you try small fry.” Mark rolled his eyes.

 

“Why do you guys always comment on my height? I’m only 13 for crying out loud.” Johnny smirked at his brother and put his hand in the water to fling in Mark’s direction.

 

“We do that because it’s the easiest way to get you riled up. Besides, your age has nothing to do with it. You’re just destined to be short. Jaehyun and I were already fairly tall at your age; what’s your excuse?”

 

“You know what Seo…” Mark swam over and pulled on his brother's arm. When Johnny finally surfaced from the water he glared at Mark who was laughing hysterically and pointing at his older brother.

 

“Oh man, you should see your face right now Johnny”, he said, wheezing his way through the sentence. Jaehyun was also cackling at Johnny’s expense.

 

“And what the hell are you laughing at _Yoonoh_?” Jaehyun laid on his side and smiled at the older boy.

 

“Don’t get mad because you look like a wet dog and I don’t _John_.” He glanced between the two brothers, moving his hand in a circular motion. “The whole, ‘wet puppy look’ is really working for you guys.”

 

Mark and Johnny looked at each other, nodding in a silent agreement.

 

“What does that head nod mean”, Jaehyun asked worriedly. Neither of the boys answered him and the dimple-cheeked teenager didn’t have enough time to run away before Johnny pulled him into the pool, holding him close as Mark splashed water in his face.

 

“Okay! Okay! I quit! I swear, I quit!” He laughed his way through his surrender and rested his hand on one of the older boy’s arms, both of them still wrapped tightly around his waist. Mark cleared his throat, surprised at how intimate the hug actually was outside of playing. The older boys were always touchy with each other but this engagement seemed too “couple-like” for them. Jaehyun stopped laughing, fully realizing that he was still in Johnny’s hold.

 

“Um, this was fun but I uh, better get going. I have a lot of biology homework to finish.” Jaehyun pushed himself out of Johnny’s arms, ears turning red from being “caught”. He waved goodbye to the boys, actively avoiding looking either in the face as he walked to the fence bordering their homes and climbed the apple tree to get over it. Mark looked at his brother with confusion and jealousy on his face.

 

“What was that all about?” Johnny shook his head and ignored Mark’s question, climbing out of the pool to go inside the house.

 

An awful feeling stirred up in the pit of Mark’s stomach, thoughts of the possibility of his crush and his brother being together. He shook himself out of those thoughts, figuring he was just speculating about things that couldn’t be true. They still lingered in the back of his mind, and he prayed that they weren’t true.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I'll probably end up making a playlist for this story (hint, hint: the chapter titles are all lyrics from songs).
> 
> -Musical Express rides are a lot of fun. You're pretty much riding a mini rollercoaster that goes forwards (and backward) while they play music. The ride tends to go pretty fast and I highly recommend riding it if you haven't before. 
> 
> -I chose Dunk Shot as the song the boys bond over because:  
> 1.) it ties into their shared love of basketball (cause, you know, making a dunk shot is a basketball thing), a theme that will come up throughout the story  
> 2.) it does have a little of that cutesy, early 90s feel to it  
> 3.) this was during the time that Jaemin was unable to promote with Dream and since he is a character in the story it made sense for me to use a song from that period of time  
> 4.) I wanted the boys to have something else they share to really show and solidify the bond that they have with each other and how it comes into play when the real angst hits 
> 
> -I know this will be a question: Well, what about Mark? I thought about this and decided to play on the trope of people sometimes looking similar to celebrities. I also used his Korean name and the ramen hair for his 'older counterpart' to distinguish the two. 
> 
> -Based on what the fandom knows from how close the two are, I feel like Johnny's mom irl would be someone who'd (quite literally) kick ass and take names so her son so fighting the ride operator was something I enjoyed adding in. Mrs. Seo in this universe (changed to Lee cause story and Western marriage purposes) has hands rated E for everyone when it comes to her baby(ies). 
> 
> -Mark isn't totally oblivious to JohnJae. There is obviously that part of him that knows something is up but because he has his "I'm in love with Jaehyun" blinders on, he's denying it. 
> 
> -Also, continue to pay attention to Jaehyun's family dynamics and how they contrast to his relationship with the Seo/Lee family. 
> 
> -Hope you all enjoy! :)


	5. I Know You're Broken Darling and I Won't Let You Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He’s gonna be okay.” Johnny glanced over to his sleeping boyfriend in the passenger side before looking back at the road. “He just has a lot going on right now.”

_ MK: 18  JN: 22 JH: 20  (2016)  _

 

“We are now entering halftime with the Yongsan International Guardians leading against SFS, 68-54. Please stop by the concessions stand for a quick snack and enjoy a halftime performance from the Crusader’s cheerleading team!” 

 

Mark slowly made his way over to the bench dripping in sweat and disappointment. This was one of the most important games of his high school career and he’s blowing it because he’s distracted. It would be easy to say that the gorgeous cheerleaders were to blame but he knew the real reason for his piss poor performance on the court. He was thumped in the forehead as he wiped the sweat off of his neck and looked up to see who the offender was. 

 

“Mark fucking Lee, I need you to snap out of it man. This game is important for all of us and if you keep this up I’ll make sure to beat your ass in front of everyone at Seoul Foreign. That means the student body, faculty, and your family.” Wong Yukhei was a usually pretty chill person but considering how important this game was for him as well, he wasn’t too keen on Mark’s inability to play at his full potential. The older boy pointedly glared at his captain. 

 

“Dude relax. We’re going to be fine”, Mark replied, annoyance laced in his voice. 

 

“Relax? RELAX? How the hell am I supposed to relax when you’re sitting here getting distracted by Valentine Boy?” He gestured with an open palm in the direction of the stands, more specifically, where his family was sitting. Along with Jaehyun. 

 

Jung freaking Jaehyun. 

 

Mark tried to be nonchalant about Yukhei’s call out but the bright blush on his pale cheeks gave him away. He looked away from his teammate to the stands. The Seo-Lee family were actively engaged in conversation, no doubt talking about how terrible Mark was doing. Johnny was hand-talking again, making large gestures with his hands to emphasize whatever point he was trying to make. 

 

Johnny came down from school to see Mark play the game that could make or break his chances of a basketball scholarship. The older brother was hoping that his younger sibling would follow in his footsteps but that seemed highly unlikely at this point. Right beside Johnny was Jaehyun himself, listening intently to whatever the older man had to say. Mark felt a tug at his heart from how handsome he looked and was so distracted that he didn’t see Yukhei’s towel coming towards his face at full force. 

 

“Ow! Yukhei, what the hell man? Cut it out”, he yelled, holding his right ear. Yukhei threw the cloth on his shoulder and crossed his arms. 

 

“Pay attention to what I’m saying Mark. Don’t let your stupid ass crush get in the way of our chances at winning this game.  If the team has to rely on Dino’s failed attempts at layups then we’re fucked.” The older boy started to turn and walk away, only glancing over his shoulder slightly to look at Mark. 

 

“Also, you gotta move on man. Your brother is already dating him, you’re just hurting yourself at this point.” 

 

Mark didn’t really have an answer to that, mostly because it was true and some of it because he was shocked at how blunt Yukhei was about it. Mark figured he didn’t have a chance when Jaehyun dated that Jungkook guy for six months during his last year of high school. He definitely knew there was no chance in hell now that Jaehyun was  absolutely, positively, 100% in love with (and dating) Johnny. He wanted to be happy for them but he was also slightly (read: supremely) jealous of the fact that Johnny was with Jaehyun. He admitted that it was a bit childish and selfish but those were details he’d rather not tell anyone else about. 

 

“Hey Mark, come here!” Mark turned around at the sound of his name and looked up to see Jaehyun waving him over with his left hand, the other one being firmly held by Johnny’s. They were receiving a few dirty stares from onlookers (mostly old people and conservative parents) and Mark fought the urge to tell people to mind their business as he made his way over to them. 

 

“Wow Jung, I didn’t expect you to be here Mr. ‘I Go To School in America’.” Jaehyun laughed at Mark’s latest nickname for him and rubbed the back of his neck. 

 

“I know but I wouldn’t miss this game for the world. Seeing my alma mater kick your team’s butts? That is something worth seeing. I made sure to do all of my assignments for the next two weeks just to come here.” Mark raised his eyebrows at the older boy’s statement. 

 

“Your winter break isn’t until December, don’t you think that’s a bit much”, he said worriedly. 

 

“It was just two papers, a presentation, four finals that I had to take early, and some busy work. I’ll be fine.” Johnny grumbled under his breath at Jaehyun’s answer. 

 

“I keep telling him to stop overexerting himself but does he listen? No, he doesn’t.” He was staring out in the distance with a sullen look. Jaehyun reached over and grabbed Johnny’s face with his unoccupied hand, placing a kiss on his cheek. 

 

“Johnny, I told you I’ll be fine. It’s not that big of a deal, you worry too much.” He smiled softly at the older man. Johnny sighed and rubbed Jaehyun’s hand with his thumb. 

 

“I worry because I’ve seen what happens to people who don’t take care of themselves in college. They burn out and either end up dropping out or in a hospital somewhere. You’ve spent your whole life working down to the bone Jae. Don’t you think it’s time to slow down a little? 

 

Mark thoroughly agreed with Johnny on this one. Jaehyun’s worked hard his entire life, constantly bouncing from one activity to the next. Working on several higher-level assignments at once, all of which were a product of being part of the gifted student programs. He studies more than the average student (which is saying something by Korean standards) and his mother was always roping him into some extracurricular activity in the name of being “well-rounded”. Mark figured if it weren’t for the fact that the older man was so close to him and Johnny, Jaehyun would probably be best friends with his schoolwork and his schoolwork only.

 

He and Johnny weren’t the only ones who felt that way about Jaehyun’s strenuous workload; their parents were also worried about him. Mrs. Lee constantly went out of her way to check up on him and Mr. Lee always offered to talk to Jaehyun’s parents about the situation. The problem, however, was that Jaehyun always fought against it. 

 

“Jaehyun, sweetheart, I know how important academics are for you but this isn’t high school anymore. You can’t keep doing this to yourself”, Mrs. Lee said. Her husband nodded in agreement before speaking up.

 

“You’re an adult now son. Maybe you should talk to your parents about taking a year off or something?” Jaehyun’s face was turning a bright shade of red, obviously uncomfortable with being on the spot. 

 

“I’m going to be fine. I don’t need everyone worrying about me. I need to do well in undergrad so I can go to med school and become a doctor and make my parents proud. I’ve already disappointed them enough so can we please just leave it alone?” He was biting his lip and looking everywhere but the small family. 

 

“We’re sorry we upset you Jaehyun. We just want what’s best for you, Mrs. Lee said softly. Jaehyun muttered a quick “I know” before getting up and going towards the entrance of the gym.

 

“I’ll go get him”, Johnny said as he stood up and walked away. Based on everything that had transpired, Mark knew that it wasn’t going to be a fun ride home. He felt a little guilty that Jaehyun did all of that work in such a short amount of time just to come to a stupid high school basketball game. He and Johnny were probably arguing in the hallway about how Jaehyun works too much or how Johnny needs to let it go. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look up at his mother. 

 

“They’ll be fine”, she said though Mark doubted the older woman actually meant it. Seeing the two upset with each other all the time made Mark forget about his crush on Jaehyun and worry more about how to keep their little trio from falling apart. 

 

“We have two minutes remaining before the 3rd quarter begins. Don’t forget to get your bathroom or snack break in before the game continues”, the announcer said, voice booming over the loudspeaker. Mark turned to his parents. 

 

“I guess it’s time for me to get back out there.” 

 

“Have fun kiddo! Be safe, play smart, have fun. We love you Little Lion,” his father exclaimed, trying his best to lighten the mood by embarrassing Mark. 

“Dad, I’m 18, not eight! Please end the use of that nickname.” The older man smiled and continued waving at Mark, who was doing his best to hide his flustered face. Mrs. Lee put his hand down and raised her eyebrows at him. 

 

“Why do you do this to us”, she asked as her husband laughed at how noticeably red Mark’s face was from the stands. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As expected, the ride home from the game was quiet. Mark and his parents decided to ride back in Johnny’s car instead of separating to take the bus. Mark sat in the middle of the backseat sandwiched between his mother and father; both of them asleep. The 18-year-old held on tightly to the celebratory bouquet of flowers given to him from the coaches. Mark wasn’t feeling very jubilant despite being able to pull a win out of his ass with the events from halftime replaying constantly in his mind. He looked up from the bouquet to the rearview mirror, automatically locking eyes with his brother. 

 

“Why aren’t you asleep”, Johnny said softly as he put his focus back on the road. Mark shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I don’t know. I don’t feel tired enough to. There’s too much going through my mind right now to even think about sleeping.” Mark looked down to see Johnny’s right hand firmly holding Jaehyun’s left. He fell asleep like that; grasping Johnny’s slightly larger hand as his soft snores filled the car. Johnny followed Mark’s sullen gaze to the intertwined fingers. 

 

“He’s gonna be okay.” Johnny glanced over to his sleeping boyfriend in the passenger side before looking back at the road. “He just has a lot going on right now.” 

 

“Johnny, I highly doubt Jaehyun’s okay. There’s obviously something wrong and the fact that we’re not doing anything about it-” 

 

“You think I don’t know that Mark”, the older man said, slightly raising his voice. Jaehyun stirred a little in his sleep, unconsciously turning his head to face Johnny’s side. Johnny sighed deeply and started rubbing the top of Jaehyun’s hand with his thumb. 

 

“He’s not telling me anything. After the divorce, he just shut down and stopped opening up to me. I’m worried about him too but there’s only so much I can do Mark.” He bit his lip and Mark could see Johnny’s eyes watering. Also being a child of divorced parents, Mark could understand why Jaehyun closed himself off from his brother. However, he also knew how much pain it caused Johnny. 

 

“You really do love him, don’t you”, Mark replied softly. Johnny nodded. 

 

“I do. Sometimes I wonder if I’m really worth it; if I even deserve him.” 

 

“What makes you think you don’t?” There was a long pause before Johnny answered him. 

 

“I wish I could tell you why Mark.”  The youngest looked away from his brother and to the city passing them by, thinking deeply about Johnny’s answer. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_ MK: 15  JH: 17 JN: 19 (2013) _

 

Mark was watching t.v. when a loud knock sounded at the front door of the Seo-Lee residence. He thanked his heavenly father above that his parents weren’t home because his mother would’ve been pissed at how hard this person was banging. 

 

“Who the fuck is that at the door”, Johnny yelled from upstairs, just finishing up from taking a shower.

 

“How am I supposed to know”, Mark yelled back. 

 

“Oh, I don’t know, by seeing who’s outside genius!” Mark rolled his eyes and got up to open the door. 

 

“I don’t know who you are but it’s almost midnight-” He stopped mid-sentence and his already owlish eyes opened even wider. 

 

 “Jaehyun?” 

 

The older boy hiccuped and smiled. He was swaying from side to side, trying to keep his balance. His usually perfect straight hair was a mess and the plaid shirt he was wearing was unbuttoned at the top revealing smooth, pale skin underneath. Seeing how bloodshot his eyes were, anyone would be able to tell that Jaehyun was incredibly drunk. Mark would’ve found his messy look to be beyond hot if it weren’t for the fact that the older boy was one shot away from blacking out. 

 

“Heyyyyyy Markie”, he said giddily. He hiccuped again and giggled at the noise. 

 

“What the hell are you doing knocking at our door wasted man? If my mom was here she’d kick your ass.” Mark grabbed the older boy by his arms and pulled him the house. Just as the raven-haired boy was closing the door, Jaehyun spun him around and put his hands around Mark’s neck, leaning down to rest his chin on the shorter boy’s head. 

 

“Ha-has anyone ever like, like told you how fucking cute you are Mark? You’re like, super freaking adorable and once you grow a few inches and get your braces removed you’ll be a certified stud.” Jaehyun rose up and placed a big wet kiss on Mark’s cheek, making the younger boy blush even more than he already was. 

 

“I, uh, wow, um, thanks Jaehyun. I uh, probably need a haircut too but the uh, compliment is greatly appreciated.” Jaehyun giggled at Mark’s nervous answer and pushed his glasses up his nose before putting another sloppy kiss at the tip of it. 

 

“You’re so crazy Mark Lee.” Mark could feel the temperature surrounding him rise and pulled on the collar of his nightshirt. The sound of footsteps broke him out of his trance and he looked up to see Johnny walking down the stairs, freshly showered and pissed beyond belief. 

 

“Is he actually drunk”, Johnny asked as he made his way to the younger boys. 

 

“Way past it. He can barely stand up straight.” Mark removed Jaehyun’s arms from around his neck and Johnny pulled him into his arms, barely avoiding getting hit in the face by one of Jaehyun’s flailing arms. 

 

“Jaehyun, why are you piss ass drunk at our house at this time of night”, Johnny asked in concern. The younger boy rubbed at Johnny’s shoulders, smiling up at him.  

 

“I’m having the ‘Jaehyun’s parents are getting a divorce’ party and you’re both invited!” He cackled at his own answer and rocked forward, resting his head on Johnny’s chest. Johnny looked up from the boy he was holding to Mark, both of them showing equal expressions of shock on their face. 

 

‘Wait, what? Your parents are getting a divorce; what happened?” Jaehyun pushed himself off of Johnny and started to wobble towards the living room, falling on the first seat his leg touched. Mark and Johnny followed him there, squatting down in front of the couch to be eye level with Jaehyun. 

 

“My shitty excuse of a father couldn’t keep it in his pants and hasn’t been able to for the past six years.” He laughed out loud, rolling to his side flinging his arm off the couch. “My parents were fighting again and he finally let the cat out of the bag.” He rolled over onto his stomach and looked up at the two boys. 

 

“You wanna know what the kicker is? His current girlfriend is only five years older than me. Can you believe it? My dad is probably fucking some college girl in one of his fancy ass apartments as we speak.” Johnny’s eyebrows were furrowed while Mark held his mouth open in shock. 

 

“Jae, I’m so sorry”, Johnny said reaching out to put his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. Jaehyun sat up to sit cross-legged, swaying slightly as smacked the hand away. 

 

“Why do you feel sorry for me? It was only a matter of time before he left us Johnny. Two weeks ago he said that I was a disappointment and that he was tired of dealing with his ‘bitchy high maintenance wife’”. He made air quotes to emphasize the insult his father used against his mother.  “The son of a bitch acts like he didn’t grow up being a spoiled brat too.” Jaehyun looked between the two of them, smiling as tears began to fall down his pale cheeks. 

 

“I wish I had a family like yours, that I had parents that actually loved and spent time with me. I’d trade all of my college fund, all of the money in the world for that.” Mark got up to sit beside Jaehyun and pulled the older boy into a hug while Johnny rests his hand on the crying boy’s knee.  

 

“You are a part of our family Jaehyun. We’re gonna help you get through this.” Mark looked down at Johnny. 

 

The older boy had his face turned away but Mark could tell that he was also crying if the sniffles coming from his direction were any indication. Jaehyun held Mark’s smaller hand and squeezed it until his already pale knuckles became even whiter. The pain Mark felt from Jaehyun’s harsh grip was nothing compared to the pain he felt for the boy’s situation. He blinked his eyes as his own silent tears began to cascade down his face. 

 

That night, they all held each other and cried. Mark because of Jaehyun’s pain, Jaehyun for his family, and Johnny for being unable to do anything about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -So the high schools I chose are actual schools: Yongsan International School of Seoul (Jaehyun's alma mater) and Seoul Foreign school (Johnny and Mark's high school). I chose those two because there is a good presence of foreigners (which I wanted because Foreign Swaggers obvi).  
> -Mark's school was specifically chosen because of the Christian background that the school has and I wanted to incorporate that into the story. Obviously, in this story, he is a flaming Bi and in this day and age, people are more open to the fact that there are Christians who are LGBTQ+. However, people are still assholes (which is why I put that little quip in the story) and that is something that needs to be accurately portrayed more in fanfics where gay couples are at the forefront.  
> -BTW, the mascots are indeed real
> 
> -Mark is clearly jealous of Johnny and Jaehyun's relationship. Anyone who loves someone or has a crush that doesn't feel the same would. I don't want to portray him as someone who would actively try to break up a relationship (because you know, morals and stuff). He will continue to pine and fantasize about a relationship with Jaehyun (as one does with a crush) and his green-eyed monster will manifest in different ways from time to time (because he is human and that happens) but not to the extent that he will try his hardest to break the couple up. 
> 
> -Once again, Jaehyun's family dynamics are shaping the boy's interactions with each other and their relationship. 
> 
> -Jaemin will be making an appearance soon so stay tuned for that
> 
> -Also note: some of this is drawn from my own personal experiences dealing with depression and other issues presented in the story. The things Jaehyun is feeling and his actions are in no way, shape, or form to be taken as something beautiful. Let me tell you, IT SUCKS. The way it is written is supposed to make people sad and uncomfortable because it is something to not be taken lightly. I will be writing about Jaehyun's depression and everything surrounding it from his perspective soon so everyone can get a better understanding.


	6. Kiss Me Hard Before You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnny wanted to commit this to memory, knowing that it was going to be a long time before he would see Jaehyun again.

_ 2012 Winter Basketball Season _

_ JN: 18  JH: 16 MK: 14  _

  
  


“I still say it’s weird seeing Johnny playing his last holiday game”, Mark mumbled as he chewed on the handful of popcorn stuffed in his mouth. The announcer called for halftime and Seoul Foreign was leading the game by a solid sixteen points. Mrs. Lee glared at the raven-haired boy messily eating his food before thumping him in the forehead. 

 

“Mark, chew with your mouth closed, you have popcorn falling on your shirt.” She reached out and started wiping the crumbled buttery snack off. He smiled sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. She rolled her eyes at him before focusing her attention back to the court. 

 

“You’re right about it being weird. I’m gonna miss coming to these things for a while.” She held her hand in front of Mark, signaling for him to put some popcorn in her hand. 

 

“I’m not excited to hear him whine about it when the game is over.” Johnny was in his last successful season of basketball at Seoul Foreign and Mark knew that playing with this school meant so much to him over the years. As the year closes out and they start to enter 2013, Johnny would be preparing to go off to school at the University of Melbourne. Why Australia, no one really knows but Johnny was excited to be given an opportunity to play ball and broaden his horizons. Mark would be lying if he said that he wouldn’t miss the older boy once he goes off to school. 

 

“Are the seats beside you taken”, a husky voice asked. Mark looked up to see Jaehyun’s mother towering over him and felt his cheeks heat up furiously in the woman’s presence. 

 

Han Junghwa is, by definition, who Mark’s friend Yukhei considered being a “hot mom”. Her signature mid-part bob and red lip gave her an air of regality and command. She wore a business casual outfit: a crisp white button-up paired with black skinny leg trousers and a stylish red blazer. Her long dancer legs were further accentuated by her tall black heels. Mark couldn’t figure out if he found the literal heel of the shoe to be intimidating or hot on the older woman. 

 

It also didn’t help that she looked so much like Jaehyun. The older boy had his father’s nose, height, and face shape. Everything else was undeniably her and it showed when they stood side by side. She had those same deep-set, dreamy eyes and full cheeks. Even her painted lips were the same. They both had lean, dancer bodies; the kind where all of their movements looked graceful and fluid. If it weren’t for the fact that Mark was pretty much in love with her son and he was a good 25 years younger than this woman, he would’ve tried to shoot his shot. The boy was snapped out of his daze when he realized that she was staring at him with her piercing dark brown eyes. 

 

“Oh! Um, no ma’am, the seats aren’t taken. In fact, they’re all open for business!” She raised her eyebrow and frowned at Mark, who only continued to smile awkwardly at her. Sensing his distress, Mrs. Lee gestured for Mark to switch seats with her, saving him from further embarrassment.

 

“Junghwa, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you. How did your trip to Moscow go?” The immaculately dressed woman smiled warmly at Mark’s mother. 

 

“It went well, Amy. Seojoon and I were thinking of taking another trip one day and bringing Yoonoh with us. I think it’ll be a good experience for him, God knows he needs to get out of Korea for a little bit.” She turned her wrist over to look at the time and frowned. 

 

“Speaking of which, my husband and child should be in here anytime now.” Junghwa looked towards the entrance of the gym, impatiently tapping her foot. On cue, Jaehyun and his father entered the gym and looked around for his mother. The woman lifted her hand in the air and waved it back and forth, making even that simple action look graceful. Jaehyun noticed his mother’s pageant wave and began to make his way towards the group, his father following close behind. Mr. Jung sat next to his wife and looked as if he was already ready to leave. Jaehyun hugged Mark’s mother and greeted her before allowing her to return to her conversation with his mother and regarded the black-haired boy.

 

“Hey Mark”, he said cheerily, taking his place in a seat on Mark’s right. He smiled brightly at the younger boy and Mark could feel his heart beat faster. 

 

“Hey, how have you been?” 

 

“Good. Amazing actually. My dad talked to the basketball coach at Yongsan International about my high school career. If I continue to work really hard now, they’ll have no reason to not let me join the team.” Mark beamed at the news his friend shared with him and clapped his hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Dude, that’s awesome! I can’t wait to see you start playing.” Crush aside, Mark was genuinely proud of Jaehyun and all of his accomplishments, even though he thought the older boy should sleep more. Telling Jaehyun to not join/play/think about anything else was really hard and his parents always found something new for him to do. 

 

“I can’t wait. Jr. ball isn’t as fun as it used to be.” Jaehyun looked out to the court to see Johnny talking to his coach. The clock was showing that there was still five minutes left in halftime. “I feel bad for missing half of Johnny’s game though. I wanted to tell my dad we needed to hurry up but you know how he is.” 

 

Mark did. Jung Seojoon wasn’t exactly the nicest person Mark has ever met and it always seemed like the man’s face was set in a permanent frown. It made the boy wonder why on Earth Jaehyun’s mother even married him. She wasn’t really a saint herself but she was leagues above Jaehyun’s father that’s for sure. 

 

“Well, the important thing is that you’re here now”, Mark replied. Johnny turned to look up at the younger boys watching him and smiled. He waved at them; Mark and Jaehyun returned it. 

 

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I swear, they need to get new refs for these games because the few they have now is are doing a shitty job.” Johnny nodded in agreement with Yuta’s statement. The team was still in the locker room sitting around after their postgame brief. Even though they managed to win, many of the boys were upset over quite a few of the calls the referees made in the game. 

 

“Seriously, there is no way in hell that was a foul in the last play”, he continued as he slammed his locker door shut. Johnny only shook his head and stood up, gathering his belongings. 

 

“Not much we can do about it. The game is over, we still won, and most of us already got into schools anyway so it’s not like we have to do much”, Johnny said nonchalantly. Yuta rolled his eyes at the older boy. 

 

“That’s easy for you to say considering you were one of the first to even get into a school with a decent basketball program. Besides, you shouldn’t start slacking off now Seo. That scholarship can always get taken away.” 

 

“Need I remind you that I at least have one Yuta?” Johnny smirked at the boy’s flustered face at being called out and turned to walk away. “I’ll see you guys later. My family’s waiting on me outside.” He walked out of the locker room and let the door slam behind him. 

 

Johnny was honestly going to miss the dynamics in his high school team. This team helped him become the player (a partly the person) he was today. Despite that, he knew there was another chapter in their lives they needed to live and that they had to move on. He could relate to that in more ways than one. 

 

Johnny was anxious about leaving his family behind for the first time, and in another country nonetheless. Even though Mark could sometimes be the living embodiment of the stereotypical annoying little brother, that was HIS little brother and he would miss him. Johnny would miss his mother’s home cooking and playing the piano with his dad. Most of all, he knew that he would deeply miss Jaehyun. 

 

Their relationship was, interesting to say the least. They’ve bounced around their feelings for each other for a while and were both too scared to even establish anything tangible. Johnny felt regretful for not having done so earlier, especially since he’d be going off to college in the upcoming year. While part of him wanted to ask the younger boy his boyfriend, another part of him felt like he'd be holding Jaehyun back. They spent so much of their lives constantly together and Johnny knew that it was time to separate for some time. 

 

The busy gym had cleared out some and the only people left were groups of family and friends waiting for the players to come out of the locker room. It didn’t take Johnny long to find his family and he smiled as he walked towards them. 

 

“There goes the basketball star! We’re so proud of you son”, Mr. Lee shouted as he pulled Johnny into a bone-crushing hug. Mark and his mother followed suit, Mrs. Lee happily chatting Johnny’s ear off about how great he did that night. He was only half listening, more focused on the brown-haired boy three meters away. 

 

Jaehyun looked like he was having a serious conversation with his parents. The younger boy’s eyebrows were furrowed and he was repeatedly slapping one of his hands into the palm of his other. Jaehyun’s mother had her arms crossed and the expression on her face mirrored his. Mr. Jung had his hands propped on his hips and he looked more pissed than usual. He pointed a threatening finger in Jaehyun’s direction and Johnny knew that the younger boy probably said something that greatly upset his father. 

 

“Johnny, are you even listening”, his mother asked, startling him. His family all had worried looks on their faces. 

 

“Y-yeah, I’m listening”, he stammered, eyes still on Jaehyun. Mrs. Lee raised her eyebrow at him. 

 

“Johnny, I know you weren’t paying attention.” She looked in the direction of his distraction and sighed. 

 

“They’ve been going at it for a while now. Whatever Jaehyun told them must’ve been pretty bad.” Johnny started playing with the strap of his gym bag, wondering what Jaehyun said or did to piss his parents off so much. The other family finally broke apart when Jaehyun’s father stormed off. His mother threw her hands up in exasperation and lightly jogged behind her husband, no doubt trying to calm the fuming man down. Jaehyun was left behind, awkwardly standing there rubbing one of his arms. Johnny dropped his bag and muttered a quick “excuse me” to his family before running to the younger boy and picked him up, pulling him close for a hug. 

 

“Jesus Johnny, you scared the shit out of me”, Jaehyun said as the taller boy put him on the ground. He smiled shyly at Johnny, ears turning a light shade of pink. The smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and Johnny knew it had something to do with the little tiff Jaehyun had with his parents. He wanted to ask if everything was okay but decided against it to keep from upsetting the boy even more. 

 

“What, I can’t hug my best friend in the entire world anymore”, he said jokingly. 

 

“No way man, not after that hug. I thought you were gonna break me in half or something.” A small glint in his eye showed that he was messing around and Johnny decided to play along. 

 

“Damn, that’s harsh. And to think I was going to share my last carton of banana milk with you. You’ve officially made a new enemy Jung Jaehyun.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes at Johnny and mumbled about how he can always get more from the store if he so chooses. They playfully glared at each other and burst out in laughter at how ridiculous they looked. Johnny stopped laughing and stared at the boy before him, taking in every detail of his beautiful face. 

 

“I want to see you tonight”, he said. Jaehyun stopped laughing and stared at Johnny incredulously. 

 

“Johnny, I can’t come over tonight. My parents are already pissed, I don’t need to give them a reason to ground me.” Johnny shook his head at Jaehyun. 

 

“You don’t have to sneak out, I can come see you.” 

 

“Why”, Jaehyun asked timidly. Johnny smiled softly at him. 

 

“There’s something I have to say to you...about us I mean.” A light blush crept up on Johnny’s face. 

 

“Oh, wow. Uh, yeah sure, you can come over”, Jaehyun stammered. Johnny froze up, not really expecting Jaehyun to let him. 

 

“Okay well uh, I’ll see you sometime tonight then.” 

 

“Yeah, definitely.” They both awkwardly looked back and forth at each other before Johnny cleared his throat. 

 

“I should probably get going”, he said as he walked backward. Jaehyun nodded his head and began to walk in the other direction. 

 

“I’ll see you later Johnny”, Jaehyun said as he waved goodbye. Johnny continued to watch Jaehyun’s retreating figure, praying to God that this conversation he was about to have tonight goes well. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**To: Peaches** 🍑

 

_ R u still up? _

 

**To: Chicago** 🌲

 

_ Yeah. Are you still coming over?  _

 

**To: Peaches** 🍑

 

_ I am. Just give me a few minutes.  _

 

**To: Chicago 🌲**

 

_ Ok. Text me when you’re at the back door _

 

**To: Peaches 🍑**

 

_ k. _

  
  


Johnny threw on a hoodie, a pair of beat-up Converses and put his phone in the pocket of his sweatpants before sneaking downstairs to the kitchen. He opened the sliding doors that led to his backyard and made his way to the apple tree, climbing it to get over the fence leading to the Jung household. He walked past the large rose bushes and the small pond in the backyard, texting Jaehyun about his arrival. Jaehyun was at the backdoor before Johnny, hair mussed and a large blanket wrapped around his body. 

 

“Dude, hurry up, I’m freezing”, he said through chattering teeth. Johnny picked up the pace and quickly entered the house. Jaehyun quietly closed the door behind him while Johnny began to take in the area before him. 

 

The older boy has been inside the house a maximum of two times since he’s met Jaehyun: once for a sleepover (that ended early because Mr. Jung was pissed that the boys were making a lot of noise) and another time to water the indoor plants while the Jungs went to Spain for a week. Other than that, he’s never really had a reason to come to Jaehyun’s house, especially since the younger boy always frequented his living space. 

 

“What are doing just standing there you dork, my room is this way”, Jaehyun said as he walked up the stairs. Johnny followed close behind him, walking down the quiet hallway towards Jaehyun’s bedroom. The older boy hasn’t been in there since the one sleepover so when he walked into the room he was surprised at how much it didn’t really change. He stood at the foot of the bed and looked around the room.

 

There were minor differences, some things that Jaehyun acquired over the years. The same navy blue wallpaper covered the expanse of the room. Jaehyun’s bed was bigger now and covered more space but there was still ample amounts of room left. In one corner of the room was the ever-expanding pile of plushies that Jaehyun had collected over the years. It wasn’t as big as Johnny’s collection (he had to start making closet space for his), but it was still a very sizeable pile nonetheless. His desk sat close to his window and was covered in various textbooks and college prep workbooks. On the floor lay both pairs of Jaehyun’s ballet slippers, the black pair near the bed and the white pair closer to the window. A basket of unfolded laundry sat near the bookshelf and knowing Jaehyun, it probably wasn’t going to be put away for a while. The room was otherwise dark, save for the light emanating from the bathroom. 

 

“Well, here we are”, Jaehyun said as he walked over and threw the blanket he previously had around his body onto a beanbag chair. “What is it that you wanted to talk about?” He turned around to face Johnny and caught off guard when the older boy grabbed him by the waist and started to kiss him. 

 

They’ve done this a million times before but the simple act never failed to catch the younger boy off guard. They stood there in the middle of Jaehyun’s room, only the sounds of lips lightly smacking against each other and the cicadas outside being heard. 

 

Johnny walked them back towards the bed and fell there, pulling the brown-haired boy flush against him. Johnny wanted to commit this to memory, knowing that it was going to be a long time before he would see Jaehyun again. He was going to miss seeing him like this: face blushing red like the roses in the backyard, eyes closed with lashes touching his cheeks and the soft gasps that leave his mouth when they’re together like this.  They continued for what seemed like forever; neither of the boys was willing to let the other go. Jaehyun finally sat up, face flushed and eyes hazy. 

 

“You’re stalling”, he said. Johnny hoped to put the conversation off a little longer, to hold onto Jaehyun a little longer and protect him before he could hurt him. It wouldn’t work though; Jaehyun was too smart for that. The younger boy knew Johnny like the back of his hand. He could see right through the bullshit. 

 

“You’re hiding something from me, Johnny. I don’t know what it is, but you need to spit it out.” He closed his eyes and turned his head away from the older boy. “Just, please tell me you aren’t only here to get laid.” Johnny shook his head and pulled the boy’s head back to face him. 

 

“You know I would never do that to you, especially when you don’t feel comfortable. We’ve talked about this.” Johnny felt a little hurt that Jaehyun would assume that he only came over to try and have sex with him. The older boy knew that he wanted to wait until he was ready and never pushed the boundaries of that wish. 

 

“Well if that’s not it then what is it?” 

 

Johnny sighed and sat up, moving Jaehyun to sit beside him. The taller boy played with the sleeve of his hoodie and avoided making eye contact. 

 

“So you know that I’ve been selected to come in for the Early Freshman Admission next year. Well, I don’t know how to put this without being an absolute dick about it.” He looked up and saw the concern in Jaehyun’s face. He reached out to brush a strand of hair behind the younger boy’s ear. 

 

“Johnny, just spit it out okay, you’re freaking me out.” Jaehyun was on the verge of getting pissed at Johnny for beating around the bush. Whatever news the older boy needed to share needed to be done immediately if he didn’t want to risk being kicked out of Jaehyun’s home. 

 

“Please, just don’t get mad at me okay?” He took Jaehyun’s hands in his and felt the rough callouses from the years Jaehyun spent playing the cello. It was just another one of those things he would miss.

 

“You know that I care about you so much. More than you’ll ever know. But with me going off to school and you still being here, I don’t think I could give you what you want. I know you want a relationship and I know you want us to be a couple but I don’t know if I can do that knowing that you still have options and opportunities to meet someone new. To meet someone better…” 

 

“Why do you keep saying that? Johnny, I’m still going to want you no matter how much you think you do or don’t deserve me. You can’t assume and decide what I deserve when I know exactly what I want.” Jaehyun could feel the heat rise and there was no doubt in his mind that he was turning red in the face. 

 

“Jae, you still have three more years of school left, I’m not going to have you wait around for me when I’m going to be over 8,000 kilometers away and gone for God knows how long.” Jaehyun looked down at their intertwined hands and sniffled. 

 

“We didn’t even get a chance to...we didn’t even start anything…”. He trailed off, biting his bottom lip to keep himself from crying. “Why does this feel like a breakup when there was nothing to break in the beginning?” Johnny pulled him close and Jaehyun wrapped his hands around the older boy’s waist. 

 

“One day, I’m gonna do right by you. For now, I want you to live life without me in it for a while. I don’t want to hold you back.” He removed himself from Jaehyun’s embrace and held his face between his hands. “Can you look at me Peaches? I don’t want to leave until I know you’re not mad at me. I don’t like going to bed when we’re angry at each other.” 

 

Jaehyun lifted his head and stared into Johnny’s eyes, already missing how they seemed to shine brighter than any star at night. He turned his head to the side, kissing the palm of Johnny’s left hand and holding it there with his. 

 

“I’m going to miss you when you leave.” 

 

“You know I’ll miss you too, how could I not?” Jaehyun smiled sadly as he continued to hold his head against the palm of Johnny’s hand. 

 

“I love you so much”, he said softly. Johnny removed his hand and encircled Jaehyun’s body, pulling him close to his chest and laying down on the soft bed. He rubbed circles on Jaehyun’s back, placing light kisses on the top of his head. 

 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -So here's that Johnny centric chapter my guys. It's pretty much a more in-depth look at his relationship with Jaehyun and how complicated it is for him.  
> -And yes, I made it so they weren't even in a relationship for a reason.  
> -Mark's POV will return and will be that way for the next like 3-4 chapters.  
> -Nana will join us in the next chapter.  
> -Jaehyun's mother doesn't have the last name 'Jung' because in Korea the spouse that was proposed to often doesn't take the surname of the person they married. The children do, but they do not hence why her last name is 'Han'.  
> -Shit is about to get hella sad because why not  
> -Also, the thing that pissed Jaehyun's dad off will be revealed later  
> -You probs won't hear from Johnny for a while (kinda playing on the whole college thing). It will mostly be him in passing conversation.  
> -In regards to that, I kinda chose the University of Melbourne because I wanted Johnny's to attend college in another country that wasn't South Korea or the US. They also have an interesting sports program and teams are divided by the different halls on the campus (for future reference, Johnny is a part of the International House on campus). Also, any Australian readers please don't be mad at me if I mess up anything about the school. Most of it will be a mix of what I've researched and what I know as a college student in the US.  
> -the exact distance from Seoul to Melbourne is actually 8,577 km (or a little over 5,329 miles).  
> -Mark and Jaehyun's relationship will change  
> -And honestly, it'll be drama, drama, drama. With some good things of course.  
> -Ten will be coming up soon in a later chapter


	7. Something I Should've Known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It probably won’t even go anywhere and I’m focused on my studies more than anything else. I don’t have time for love or relationships."

_ MK: 15  JH: 17 (2013) _

 

“So why exactly am I helping you with this”, Mark asked from his spot on the floor. He was with Jaehyun at the local dance studio where the older boy was currently stretching. Jaehyun had his left leg on the barre and gracefully reached out towards his foot with his right hand. Some of the things he did to warm up never failed to make Mark’s cheeks heat up. He felt a little creepy staring at him and only hoped that Jaehyun never noticed him doing it. 

 

“Well, Johnny usually helps me out but since he’s in Australia and we already FaceTimed each other on my birthday, I’m employing you to be my new helper”, Jaehyun said as he came back up to follow through with the other side of his body. 

 

“You can’t just Skype him or something? Your choreo is pretty intense Jae, I don’t think I should be helping you.” The younger boy initially agreed to help because 1.) why not and 2.) it’s Jaehyun so he’d pretty much attempt moving mountains for him. He was slowly starting to come to the realization that helping with a dance number was only good in theory and not in practice. 

 

“I’m not Skyping Johnny because I don’t want to bother him again this week. Besides, my choreo is not that bad and I’ve seen you dance before Mark. You’re actually really good considering you haven’t had any formal training.” Jaehyun finished stretching and turned around, staring at Mark with a mischievous look in his eye. “Now, shall we get started?” Mark awkwardly stood up from the floor and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

 

“Well when you put it that way, it doesn’t sound so bad. What I really want to know is how I’m supposed to do this without the fancy ballet shoe things?” He gestured at Jaehyun’s Adidas covered feet. “You aren’t even wearing them.” 

 

“We won’t need pointe shoes to run through this hip-hop style choreo I’ve been working on”, Jaehyun said, shrugging his shoulders. He walked to the far side of the room to toy with the sound system.

 

“I thought you were practicing for  _ Sleeping Beauty _ ?” Jaehyun shook his head and avoided meeting Mark’s questioning eyes as he worked with the speaker in on the other side of the room. 

 

“I have plenty of time and scheduled studio hours for that. I kinda just want to do some of my own stuff for now.” He took a spot beside Mark and faced the mirror, bouncing on his toes as the heavy bass of the music started playing. “Are you done interrogating me or can we start?” 

 

Mark faced the direction of the mirrors and prepared himself for whatever intense choreography Jaehyun planned. “Yeah, let’s get this show on the road.” The older boy smiled at his reflection. 

 

They ran through the routine for what felt like hours. Mark felt tired and could only do what he called the “leg wiggle dance” and the “this arm jerk would be awkward on anyone else dance” so many times before he called it quits. His knees hurt, his thighs were on fire, and he developed a newfound respect for dancers. Mark could tell that his feet were going to blister and couldn’t fathom the state that Jaehyun’s feet were probably in. He fell to the ground after the 20th time going through the dance dripping in sweat. 

 

“Are we done now? Please tell me we’re done”, he said. Mark flopped his body into a starfish position and closed his eyes, desperately trying to even his breathing.

 

Jaehyun laughed at Mark and held his hand out to help the boy up. “Yeah, we’re done.” 

 

“Good, because I am starving.” 

 

“That’s nothing new, you’re always hungry.”

 

“Well, I’m also a 14-year-old guy going through puberty. What did you expect?”

 

“Good point. What exactly did you have in mind?” The two boys started to make their way out the door and were greeted by the cool February air. 

 

“Mom’s actually making pizza tonight. It’s been a while and I’ve honestly been craving a good pepperoni and bacon pie.” 

 

“Care if I join”, Jaehyun asked hesitantly. It wasn’t weird for the older boy to come over as much as he did but Mark’s family did notice an increase in the number of times Jaehyun would come over for dinner (and stay afterward). Mrs. Lee just chalked it up to Jaehyun missing having Johnny around but Mark could tell it was something deeper than that. Whatever the case may be, he wasn’t about to turn Jaehyun down. 

 

“Dude, you know you’re always welcome to come over. My mom practically adopted you anyway, you might as well benefit from the free meals.” 

 

“You make it sound like no one feeds me at home or something”, Jaehyun replied. 

 

“I’m sorry but how many times have you texted me complaining about Mrs. Kim’s cooking?” 

 

“Her food isn’t bad, I just hate having kimchi for the fifth night in a row. Can you really blame me for eating at your place every chance I get?” 

 

“I suppose not.” Mark mumbled something else but Jaehyun barely understood him. 

 

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Mark looked down and played with the hem of his hoodie, avoiding making eye contact with the older boy. 

 

“I was wondering if you wanted to stay over for the night.” 

 

“Oh”, Jaehyun said. They continued to walk in the cold weather and started to approach the side of town where their neighborhood was located. Mark continued to hesitantly wait on Jaehyun’s answer. 

 

“I can’t Mark.” The older boy picked up the pace of his walk and Mark struggled to follow along. “Why not”, he questioned. 

 

“I um, I kind of have a date tonight”, Jaehyun answered nervously. 

 

“Really? Who’s the lucky individual?” Mark tried his best to hide the jealous tone in his voice.

 

“He’s just some guy from school on the football team. It’s no big deal, he asked me out and I said yes.” 

 

“No big deal? Jaehyun this is a very big deal. You don’t date.” The older boy frowned at him. 

 

“You have no idea who I have and haven’t been with Mark. For all you know I could’ve lost my virginity by now.” 

 

“You and I both know that hasn’t happened yet.” Jaehyun blushed and looked away from Mark, knowing that the younger boy was right. 

 

“It still isn’t a big deal. It probably won’t even go anywhere and I’m focused on my studies more than anything else. I don’t have time for love or relationships.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_ MK: 20  JN: 24 JH: 22  (2018) _

 

“So when are you going to tell him?” Mark put away the plate he had finished drying and looked expectantly at Johnny. The older man continued washing the dishes, not once stopping to regard his younger sibling. 

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

 

“Bullshit.” 

 

Johnny sighed and put a knife down. Mark didn’t care if he was or wasn’t an inconvenience. He was going to make Johnny talk whether he liked it or not. 

 

“How’d you find out”, Johnny said quietly. 

 

“It’s not exactly hard to figure it out when the guy is blatantly posting about you every ten minutes. Look, Johnny, I don’t care who you decide to screw in your pastime but at least break up with Jaehyun before you do.” 

 

“We didn’t have sex, Mark.”

 

“Could’ve fooled me.” Johnny turned to look at the younger man and Mark could see all of the sadness and regret in his eyes. 

 

“We didn’t. I won’t say that we haven’t done anything else but we never slept together. I wouldn’t do that to Jaehyun.”

 

“You clearly didn’t have a problem doing anything else…”

 

“What the fuck is your problem Mark? Why are you so worried about my relationship?”

 

“I’m worried about it because while you’re sitting here dating someone you don’t even love anymore, I’m stuck pining over him knowing I don’t have a chance because he’s in love with you!” 

 

“Do you think I planned on this happening Mark? I wish I still felt the same way about Jaehyun but I don’t!” The two brothers stared at each other, neither one moving from their spot. The kitchen filled with a silence that burned after Johnny’s outburst. 

 

“He deserves to know Johnny. You’re only making this worse on yourself and you’ll only end up hurting him more.” Mark threw the dishcloth down and stormed off, loudly slamming the door on his way out of the house. 

 

Johnny continued washing the dishes alone. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_ MK: 15  JH: 17 JN: 19 (2013) _

 

“You’re back”, Jaehyun exclaimed as he pulled Johnny into a hug. Mark looked up from his seat on the floor. His brother walked and dropped some bags at the entryway and toed his shoes off before joining the other two in the living room. 

 

“Yeah, my flight came in early so I figured why not. Are mom and dad home?”

 

“Mom’s grocery shopping and Dad won’t be home until dinner time”, Mark said, still reading over his biology textbook. 

 

“How’s school going? What’s college life like? Do people really sleep outside on the quad?” Jaehyun was speeding through questions and barely gave Johnny any time to answer most of them. 

 

“School is fine. College is stressful. People do take naps on the quad but most of the campus only to it to tan.” 

 

“Did you find any friends yet”, Mark asked, still looking at his book. 

 

“I did actually! There’s a guy named Taeyong who’s from here and his roommate Ten.” 

 

“What kind of name is Ten?” Johnny shrugged. 

 

“It’s not his real name, it’s just a nickname. His name starts with a ‘C’ or something but no one can pronounce it so we just call him Ten. Plus he’s from Thailand so they don’t really go by their birth name.”

 

“Interesting.” Mark was still focused on his book and only half paid attention to the rest of the conversation. The only thing he was getting from it was how much Johnny was talking about this Ten guy and all of the crazy shit they’ve been getting into. His attention was only broken when he saw Jaehyun abruptly get up and leave the living room, harshly slamming the glass door to the backyard.

 

“He does know that if mom was here she’d kill him right?” Mark glanced at Johnny’s conflicted face. “Do you know what his problem is?”

 

“Yeah, but it’s nothing serious. I’ll go check on him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I am so sorry for how late this update is. The chapter has just been sitting on my computer all this time.  
> -but seriously, I'm like super sorry and I'm trash we already knew this  
> -The choreography I had in mind was the 'Boss' choreography (It's one of my favorites honestly)  
> -We can see that Jaehyun's is still upset about Johnny not wanting to start a relationship and he's obviously trying to date other people despite not wanting to  
> -the more recent aspects of the relationships will become more prominent and Mark's love for Jaehyun will become a plot issue for the three of them  
> -So basically, we're starting to get into the real shit here  
> -Leave a comment or some questions. I reply to anything and I'm open to answering anything

**Author's Note:**

> I'm definitely working on another fic when my brain decided it was a great idea to start another one. Was that smart? No. Am I still gonna do it? Yes. And thus, this Jaemark fic was born. The title is from NCT 127's song 'Run Back 2 U'. I love me some comments so drop 'em below boys!


End file.
